well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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