I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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