I am full of burrito and curiosity
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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