so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
