Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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