Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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