Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
