I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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