Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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