So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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