No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
