I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
All I want is dick and wine.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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