I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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