I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
