OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
