Im at strip club and am horny
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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