I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
