I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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