So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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