the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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