The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
