no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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