I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize