love makes seman taste better
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize