One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
