i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
