Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
