Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
