Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
