I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just had sex on a roof
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
