We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
