This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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