I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
