You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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