Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
