"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
