i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize