Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
