the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
