He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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