I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
