she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on