remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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