theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?