Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.