shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?