I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants