the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
