Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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