atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
