I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
