You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
