is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
