Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
