i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
