I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
