i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
