The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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