he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
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I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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