I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he was CRYING into my vagina
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
