She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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