i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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