I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
