you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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