Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
