my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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